Of Updates, Confessions and Random thoughts

First the Update...

The test was for TB. It's called the Tuberculosis Skin PPD test where they inject bacterial proteins into your body and look for a reaction. As far as this test goes, I personally feel the interpretations are ambiguous. My body showed a very strong positive reaction which could have been indicative of TB but then again, since I have been given the BCG vaccine, a positive reaction is not unexpected. But here's what I find disturbing (too strong a word) - none of the doctors I asked could explain why I should have shown such a disturbingly (yes, I did lose sleep over it, imagining my lungs to be racked with TB and dismally staring at the prospect of curing myself of TB within 2 months while simultaneously infecting all who come in contact with me. tsk.) strong reaction. Makes me feel that medicine is highly empirical in nature. But I don't blame them. Having delved a little bit in Cell and Molecular Biology (it rocks!) I know what scientists are against and its a challenge which modern science has only just begun to grasp the magnanimity of.


Confession... This is turning out to be a Confessional blog after all.

Random thought... Is my Chemical Engineering so volatile? Today I had to face the practical problem of designing a system for dissolving CO2 in water, and guess what... Gas absorbers didn't cross my mind :( until I saw a design on the internet.

I'm hoping that's not the case.

fret fret...

Worries

... they never get over, do they? Maybe it is that I choose to worry.

It's time to get my medical tests done... and just when I thought I was getting a really good deal out of life, life's back at me, at my throat this time - compensating for the highs. Maybe I have been too fortunate. Now I'm just getting too cynical.

Anyways, so like I was saying, I had to get some test done for disease X. What should have been a routine test resulting in no response from my body, or at the very best a minimal response, has turned into the my latest obsession. My body has chosen to give an all out response. A response that most doctors seem to shudder to find in their patients. Extensive disapproval and a barrage of other tests. Due tomorrow. Implying that I fast till 12 noon. A look suggesting that my good fortune has finally turned around, sending a chill down my spine. Not quite, but almost. Still - Shiver.

Not quite a NDE (Near Death Experience) but effectively, this trip to the doctor's has converted me into a believer or at the very least made me aware of my hypocrisy. God, I say, If you exist, here's your opportunity to prove it. I wait till after the tests tomorrow to decide if I'm an agnostic or a believer.

Of course, I still have to get the tests done, but that won't stop my mind from fearing the worst. Not 'the' worst, but one of the worse worsts. For there are other worries which will certainly qualify the adjective worst.

But, I digress for I have the attention span of a goldfish. I am a bit of a hypochondriac. Some of ou may vouch for it. Shortly after, I started feeling out of breath. A climb up a flight of stairs resulted in my panting heavily.

If I weren't so worried right now, I would have found all this absolutely hilarious. I still do, but for the life of me, I can't laugh. Not right now.

So anyways, I think these tests will take some time. And there are more too. Thanks to wikipedia, I now know what exactly each test does and what it's outcome should be. In happier times I would have thanked wiki, but now its just fuelling the hypochondria in me.

I shall hope for the best tomorrow, in the meanwhile, I Fret...

Short cuts and Rhesus Monkeys

Yup... it happened again. Another close encounter with the rhesus monkey. Famous for its association with the rhesus factor (one of the constituents of blood), these monkeys are endemic to India, China and Afghanistan.

IIT of course, has its very own troop of these pests. This happened last week, when I was rushing to an examination in the Biotech Department. It was 9:25 am and I had no idea about the venue of the exam and having not read the chemistry aspect of the Chemistry of Biomolecules course (:D!) and putting a last-ditch attempt at memorising the reactions on my way there, I took the most natural route, which happens to cut short through the Metallurgy Department. For ages, I have felt that reducing the department to a short cut wasn't really appreciated by the Meta dep junta. I did of course get a hint when a new by way was built recently - all chakachak and fundoo. Only problem being that it was slightly longer than the short cut through the meta dept.

In anycase, I was rushing through the meta dept and had just joined the main corridoor connecting all the departments and noticed what looked like dogs to me. I was of course too busy to notice anything. A few more minutes and I'll be in the exam hall. Still have to figure out where it is. Cyanogen bromide is used to cleave proteins after the cystine residue. The intermediate for this reaction is blah. To cleave the protein after methionine blah blah blah... I looked up and noticed that they weren't really dogs. A troop of monkeys had decided to adopt the corridoor. The young monkeys were busy playing in the corridoor amidst people rushing to their respective destinations. Ofcourse, proud papa wasn't too far. He kept a watchful eye to ensure that none of his offspring got hurt.

Just as I approached, two of the youngsters decided to enact their version of "Why did the Chicken cross the road?" and I was hardly a foot away from them when the patriarch got up and started chasing me! Needless to say... any chemistry I had managed to read had now vaporised. I turned around screaming and arms flailing and ran down the other end of the corridoor. I looked back after having run a good 20 feet and found that the monkey was still in hot pursuit. My pace quickened. Other people walking down the corridoor also started running. I looked back and found that the monkey was no longer there. I had run all the way to the Elec department! I turned around to see that order had been restored and the monkey clan was happily lazing around in the corridoor.

There was no going down that route now. I looked for an alternate route and noticed that I would run into the monkeys again. I did not wish to find out if monkeys can remember as well as elephants can, so I decided to take the long way - which meant circumventing the CESE department and taking the road connecting the labs, Aero department and the ChE dept.

Nearly out of breath (I was getting late now!), I reached the exam hall, panting. I took my seat and took a look at the question paper. The very first question was on protein cleavage after cystine and methionine.

Of course, I didn't remember. Cursed Monkeys. The ultimate revenge by the Meta dept.

Graffiti

It was just yesterday on my way home that I embarked on a journey on a bus plying on Route Number 511. It was a Euro III (MUTP) bus (to look at these fundoo buses click here http://www.bestundertaking.com/trans_engg.asp) . In anycase, it was around 3:00 pm on a hot, muggy day and it certainly did not help that I was sitting in the last row of seats, what with little ventilation thanks to the morons sitting next to the windows and the burning sun not yeilding to cloud cover.

One of the first things that caught my eye was what appeared to be garbled letters on the back of the seat right ahead. The latest message for assembling at Azad Maidan to gain Azadi from some obscure cause? Was it the government implementing fanciful methods for spreading the message of Contraception? Not quite. Turned out to be some guy (Let's call him XY) declaring his "love" for some girl (Let's call her XX). It read something like this...

Dear XX,

I love you. I miss you every night [note to reader: night was written with the mirror image of "g"] because I krazy for you. Tu hi meri shub hai, subah hai, afternoon hai, raat hai, mid-night hai, mid-day hai. Please call me. I kiss you everynight in my dreams, XX from Ramjinagar.

XY

[Note: There was, rather incongrously, no heart with an arrow as is often the case.]

This open declaration of love is of course something one is used to seeing in India. Public spaces and monuments from our illustrous history serve an important function - of providing graffiti space. Despite this, I do not know whom to feel sorry for- XX, XY or the bus.

Images of a Traffic jam

Sunday night and I'm coming back from Home. So we're zooming down the highway and I'm nodding off to sleep ... when I'm suddenly jerked back to reality. I'm in the midst of a traffic jam. So I mumble to myself, thinking the jam will just clear up soon (like it usually does), and I try and go back to sleep... but its almost 10 minutes now and it doesn't look like we will be moving anywhere soon.

Now I'm wide awake. That's the funny part... getting bored and nothing much to do. Other than stare out. But the cars aren't moving.

Stuck.

The two lanes adjacent to ours are moving, no, crawling, but then again when you are stuck the whole world seems to be moving. And we're still... stuck.


A huge bus comes up alongside. People in the bus are tired. Waiting to get back home. The luggage compartment at the back of the bus seems to be full and overflowing. They can't seem to be able to get it to shut.

This bus seems to have an inordinate number of lights!

It's raining now. Sheets of water flowing down the panes.

Merging colors.


Cooling some tempers. Flaring others.


It's now 45 minutes. Thats the longest I have been stuck recently.

Staring out...

...Staring in.

Finally! It's security check time. Wouldn't you have guessed it! 15th August!

And we're off again! On our way!

Zooming past life in a City that Never Sleeps.

Now, I don't know nothin about photography. But, I'm not bored anymore. :)

All men are born equal... some are more equal than others

I recently saw "Boys don't Cry" which I am sure as you all know, is the story of a transgendered man called Brandon Teena (born Teena Brandon) and his sexual identity crisis.

The movie is dark and as is true of most other movies (Fire, Salaam Bombay and Brokeback Mountain) which discuss human sexuality are and as is also true of these other movies, the performances are superlative. Althought the story has been fictionalised to an extent (from what I found out after reading up a bit on the Life of Brandon Teena), to make the subject palatable to society, the movie does retain many of the facts as they are. In the context of society, this movie is important because it introduces facts to the masses.

I feel that this movie has been a breakthrough towards a greater acceptance of people with alternate sexual orientations and identities especially in a society that barely acknowledges their existence. Gender issues have always been tricky for the media to handle and difficult for society to digest. But society is waking up to reality, what with mass media introducing these topics. I say this in the context of movies like Fire and Brokeback Mountain. It is one thing when the media regularly takes up these issues (for whatever money minting intents they have; I guess that's a good thing because it creates awareness) but the common man's understanding and comfort with the issue is quite another.

Most people are too busy with routine problems that they face in their daily lives (Oh I need to buy bread... the kids will be hungry; I better fuel up ... don't want to get stranded on a busy mumbai street ... what with the rains you never know...) to even imagine the existence of these subcultures. Society still hasn't woken up to these realities. For most people... sexual identity is well defined and subsequently not given much thought. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. There's no two ways about it.

What about alternate identities? Is gender binary? Most of our experiences tell us that it is. But take a longer look, scratch beneath the surface and suddenly one realises that it need not be binary. There are people with sexual identity crises. And yes, they are human too, no different from you and me otherwise. Yet do we acknowledge their existence? Can any of us imagine living in a society where no one else acknowledged our existence?

Forget society for a moment... how would an individual deal with this? Can you even begin to imagine what it might be like... to live a lie everyday of your life? Can you imagine what it might be to live in fear... that you might get "caught" anytime? A classic clash of social and individual interests... and the result is often unpredictable. Some people choose to defy society, while others defy their individual needs. In both cases, in an unforgiving, unaccepting society it is a trial by fire.

Research is throwing up clues on gender and gender associations indicating that these are innate. Sexual orientation, then is not a choice. But, this may not be the final verdict on the issue. Human behavior is way too complicated, given that humans are social and cultural animals.

Everybody's changing... and I don't know why

Some Random thoughts...

What does YFE have to say about the Management Quota? (Note: I'm neither pro-quota nor anti-quota; but I do think the entire issue is not worth the effort.)

Must start working on apps...
Apping in biophysics with chem engg background?

Why is it that Biology captivates me? Is it because I don't understand how life works? From whatever little exposure to biology I have, I can guage that order arises out of chaos. But its so amazing the way events are regulated at the cellular level... its almost too perfect.

So little time,
try to understand that I'm,
trying to make a move just to stay in the game,
I try to stay awake and remember my name...
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same...

(Keane: Everybody's changing; Hopes and fears)


Its 2:30 am...I had better go to sleep. Yet these words keep playing over and over and over... it's almost like the song has become part of my existence.